Sleepy

It’s just midnight and I’m finding it hard to convince myself that I’m too sleepy to do anything but read and fall asleep. I usually don’t stay up late but sometimes I have to so i don’t feel bad for going to bed before everyone at like 7 pm.

I just wanted to write that…nothing else about writing that my friends inspired me to start. No talking of a romance story that I started writing sporadically last night and couldn’t stop because the world and people were too amazing….

I’m so worried that this summer will be over too soon. But I need my dreams. Cramming my schedule will do nothing for me.

I want to start writing themed posts now and again.

I feel the need to rant about a rant I have to write. I’m planning on being truthful with a group/community of people who were very rude to me all through jr/high school.

I hope my words make two things clear: 1) I deserve respect, 2) You’re wrong. 

There are so many things these people are wrong about. It annoys me when people think it’s okay to be rude and passive. My dearest friends are people I’ve just met…people who are creative, who value me, and who are honest with themselves. They are imperfect people trying to live their best lives. It’s beautiful and sad what a contrast certain people are to certain other people.

*yawn*

Goodnight/Morning 

I Want To Sing

singer

 

So American Idol came to my town. Of course I didn’t audition. People have told me I can’t sing…but sometimes I sound fine.  I’m so super frustrated…not because I want to be on TV but because people don’t believe in my singing abilities AND neither do I.

I spent most of my life trying to be musical. I had to take piano and wasn’t talented at that. I started with violin for a bit and was fine.

I want to be amazing.

I have a friend with the voice of a star.

Where is my voice?

Added to that when I talk I get “shy” meaning I can’t seem to find the right words to say or the right way to say them. But…funny story…that doesn’t happen when I speak French. My voice is clear and confident, my words sound assured and poetic.

WHY can’t I speak like that in my first langauge? Why can’t I sing like that? I tried singing “Cerf-Volant” and it sounded so different from my English attempts.

Currently I’m trying to master “Candle on The Water” for some debut or other. i need to prove to myself that I can do this. Maybe I will have to go to a singing coach…but for now the internet is my guide. I’m aware that you have to be careful not to strain your voice. I did have singing when I was younger along with my piano.

Last night I stayed up late worrying about this so I’m going to cut it short today.

A lot has been keeping me busy and I just need to master the art of calm.

Are you a singer? What helps you?

A Midsummer Daydream

Can I do this–can I write about midsummer in July just so I can play on words? I’m doing it anyway sans permission. 

 

open your heart

 

Obviously this picture is blissfully unaware that it is way out of season, but I couldn’t help snagging the quote from Pinterest.

“Open your heart wide someone is standing outside”

Not meaning to be hopelessly romantic here, but I have been thinking a lot about how I keep myself sort of emotionally walled in and how I shy away from getting closer to people. It’s mostly because *ironically* I’m such a hopeless romantic that I don’t settle for anything short of a fairy tale in day-to-day life.

I guess that’s a problem because as I write this I’m musing over everything one of my friends has ever said and done and wondering what that means. I don’t think I’m in love with him, but wisdom tells me to just not think too hard about it…so I’m not going to.

Another thing that’s causing me vexation is my homework. I’m listening to an audio version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream and taking notes because I just can’t read today…I think way too much about the olde English text. You know?

Also the garden is quite pathetic seeing that the rock bed needs to go through rehab before it can produce anything hearty. My sister tossed a few seeds into a bucket of soil and they look so glamorous compared to the rock bed plants (more on this latter…hopefully).

If I can make some excuses for myself I did discover a writing tutor position at the college I attend and I have to get my cover letter and such together so I can apply. I also have been busy with chemistry but am getting a B, so I’m happy the hard work is paying off–it’s a blessing really considering how poorly I’ve done in chemistry in the past.

I would ramble on for a few million more seconds but I have to get back to listening to the play. I have my discussion questions to be sent in later tonight.

Hopefully everyone is having a great summer.

Oh I’ve also just got around to writing page one of a novel I’m working on…I just sent it out to my writing buddy so hopefully she sees the potential in it.

 

frozen

Frozen Fandoms

I don’t understand the Frozen phenomenon and if you do please leave comments down below. Sometime this summer I want to get the movie for my sister and of course I want to watch it too because it’s been getting sooo much buzz since it came out.

I saw Brave at the theaters and did not like it at all. The whole time I was clinging to my seat worried that the mother would forever be a bear.

I saw bis and parts of Tangled on Disney channel and was more bored then anything. I didn’t like Cars 1 or 2 and couldn’t sit through either of them.

I liked Toy Story 1 and 2 and could re-watch the first one over and over although the last one makes me sad.

But back to this Frozen thing…on YouTube millions of views on anything Frozen related, people everywhere singing “Let it go!”, university students drawing Elsa on the whiteboard in the math and science building, people (including myself now) writing blog posts on it, dolls being sold for thousands of dollars on Ebay….hmmm

I don’t know what to think about this obsession. I know fairy tales are amazing and I know it’s a breath of fresh air to have a story about sisters on the market but WHY so much obsession? I feel like it is over-hyped just because people want to be a part of the same fandom.

foxeswoodchucks3

Future Scientist and Author

I often wonder how much I can accomplish in my lifetime. I’m not talking about racing to beat a clock…I’m talking about meaningful things. I think about marriage and getting novels published and meeting new friends and graduate school and building a house. 

Currently I know I’m simply a student who is trying to make sense of her homework but could I be the next Marie Curie or Albert Einstein? What if I came up with something big that changed the world.

I think about that with my writing too. What could I become as an author? What will my debut novel be about? Which idea will make it in the sea of ideas?

Just thoughts for a Summer afternoon.

 

 

 

 

Faraway_cover2

New Poetry

I just wanted to share that I have written some new poetry, a little book to be up on Figment for I don’t know how long titled, “Faraway”.

I have been thinking a lot about growing up and about life. I have been listening to lectures and podcasts and cramming homework assignments so I won’t have to fret later when I have an exam.

I suppose that’s why I wrote about a girl who is called back to the island to find who she is meant to be. It’s very vague but I feel like that is the best way to start out a story sometimes.

i enjoy writing poetry…especially when I’m studying it for literature class.

We were reading some poems by Pat Mora and they caught on to my heart in good and bad ways. I disagreed at times and was amazed at others. Part of it was the whole immigration thing is something I have seen with my own eyes and so I felt like I had seen the characters in her poetry in my own neighborhoods growing up.

I have to get back to studying. Hopefully I can get a lot done this morning.

Also keep my sister’s rabbit in prayers…the bunny is sick and it is very hard on me to even think about it.

 

July Thoughts

So WordPress has changed their layout and I hope this post comes out beautifully.

I’m taking a break from Chemistry (Quantum Mechanics is this weeks’ material). I actually like learning more about light and am getting ahead this week so I can hopefully start doing next week’s homework early.

Anyway…I have been thinking a lot about attitude for one because it’s such a load off to just smile and be happy and know your own limits. I have been studying at my own pace and taking time out to bake and watch videos and listen to podcasts and read books…oddly this method works for me. I work better not when I work harder but when I ‘m able to enjoy what I’m studying.

There’s a picture of the space robot I hope shows up. I am super curious so things that seem a bit random are always in context to me.

I have been working more French into my days. I try to remind myself to balance my French intake with my English intake. Meaning, I have to read books or watch videos in French if I’m doing that in English. It’s a bit hard when not a lot of people speak that around me…but I have no excuse because of the internet.

I am also working on Hebrew and maybe will learn Russian one day since I seem to have a knack for it. J’adore les langues!

Christopher Paolini will always be a sort of inspiration to me just because he wrote a book as a teenager *enough said*. 

Ireland…not sure if I will ever get out there or why I am so obsessed with the culture.

The art of listening…*I feel a sentimental post coming on*.

Oh I have done some updates on Angels Here (on Figment). I don’t know why I am so obsessed with that book. I think it’s because I felt like the girls at the boarding school took me into their world and I just can’t resist going back and visiting. My attachment to that poetry book is almost unnatural. I’ve never felt that way about any of my other writings. One day I am going to just sit down and type out the behind the scenes with writing that story and about the characters and all that jazz.

Right now I feel like I have rambled long enough.

Have a great July day readers!