C'est Moi!

Learning How To Be Myself Through Blogging

Learning To Read Poems…For Real

ModPo is really fun and keeps me busy. We have a close reading assignment due and there us a live webcast tonight. I really like the poem I selected for my assignment *surprise surprise*.

I wanted to share this video from Biola University because their lectures really help me to think over things. I know I used to shy away from combining art and academia…but it’s really not that scary to do some deep thinking.

ModPo and Dickinson

 XIII: Memorials by Emily Dickinson

Death sets a thing significant
The eye had hurried by,
Except a perished creature
Entreat us tenderly

To ponder little workmanships
In crayon or in wool,
With “This was last her fingers did,”
Industrious until

The thimble weighed too heavy,
The stitches stopped themselves,
And then ‘t was put among the dust
Upon the closet shelves.

A book I have, a friend gave,
Whose pencil, here and there,
Had notched the place that pleased him, —
At rest his fingers are.

Now, when I read, I read not,
For interrupting tears
Obliterate the etchings
Too costly for repairs.

***

I am currently taking the MOOC by University of Pennsylvania: ModPo. It is such a joy to be a part of. In days I’ve gone from thinking Dickinson’s poems were pretty much nonsensical to realizing she had things to say. It’s been great for me as a poet and poetry reader to learn so much. It’s also helped me recover from doing horrible in my summer literature class. I am enjoying the discussions we’re having and encourage you to come join us. The class is free on Coursera and has just started.

This poem reminds me of the memories etched in items people leave behind. I can relate to that. Sometimes I debate if I should keep something or toss it solely because of sentimental value. I don’t think that way as often as most…but it does occur to me.

I like the mention of the crayon in the poem and the book. Those seem the most familiar to me. “now when I read I read not” is definitely a picture of memories getting in the way of an object being simply an object. I feel that way about math for some reason. I feel this press of memories that are quite negative.

I hope this doesn’t make the comparison weaker because math teachers are quite different from close friends in this analogy.

Anyways…here I am struggling over a limit equation and not being able to connect the dots between a limit and its graphical and logical explanation. I feel the tension of all those math teachers and tutors…even students, telling me I’m not studying right, I ask too many questions, I take too long on one problem, and maybe math isn’t my thing…but it’s okay because nobody really likes the subject. I’m thinking WHAT I do like math and what’s so wrong with the way I study? I realize sometimes I need to speed things up to cover ground but I also need to take time and think.

Getting rid of negative feelings that have been tossed over my studies is a challenge…but I’m consciously battling it.

mathSure in math and in poetry there are questions but they don’t have to completely obstruct me. I don’t get why the “etchings” are “Too costly for repair” but I’m not crying over it. I know there are people to help me understand, that I can muse over it, and that I can just relax and enjoy the poem.

relaxrelax art

Piano Land

Piano Land_Cover

So I finally got around to posting Piano Land on Figment after it sitting on my flash drive for months.

I think part of the reason behind me posting it today was because I recently had a dream very similar to the story where my friend came over and we took turns playing piano for each other. It was very sweet…not as romantic or epic as the story but very sweet all the same.

I’m a bit like Olivia. I play best with my right hand and middle C is my haven.

When I was younger I cried over practice times and forgot all the notes during a recital…but I’ve been able to play some movie tunes by ear and enjoy listening to piano videos on YouTube.

I am so tired that I feel sick right now. I spent the entire day editing and writing and editing and writing and etc.

I thought about doing things or planning out things and it just mortified me. I ended up hiding in my words all day. I guess that’s fine since I’ve not been writing that much this year. Today really helped. I reached 40k on last year’s NaNoWriMo novel and on my calender I wrote my goal being to reach 50k by tomorrow…so I feel very behind. But at least 40k is still pretty impressive. I’ve never hit that mark on any story in my entire life!

I’m pretty sure the reason I feel so tired is because I waste so much of my energy trying to fit in and I would rather just be myself. I feel like my life is all about trying really hard not to offend people and trying really hard to get people to like me or agree with me or something silly like that.

That’s why writing was such a refresher for today. I got to reflect on life.

I will admit I re-read Piano Land over and over today. It made me feel safe…like I too was lost in the cadences of the music. It reminded me of my dream. It felt like proof that I am not stupid and that I can come up with something lovely that makes sense.

I’ve been feeling a bit unintelligent lately with all the studying and trying to figure life out. Anyways it’s 11:40 at night so I should stop being chatty and end this post. Thanks for sticking with me readers…I know sometimes I am a bit wordy.

The 10 books that made me

Brie:

This is a great version of the Facebook tag done by my lovely writing friend Sam.

Originally posted on Her Inklings:

There’s this thing going around on Facebook right now called the Top 10 Books List. Since I was “nominated” a couple of days ago, instead of writing a status update and risk monologuing about my fav books for the next decade, I decided to not follow directions and blog about it, thereby defeating the purpose of the Facebook status challenge.

So here’s my Top 10 Fictional Books List (which I have weirdly never done before on my blog, besides listing them on Her Shelf and on my Goodreads… which doesn’t count [let's face it—I really just want to monologue]).

View original 1,361 more words

How To Believe

another tutulittle girl_lace blousepretty dress

Once upon a time there was a girl who dreamed of being a queen in a faraway kingdom where faerie existed and dragon’s still roamed the earth. She spent her time braiding her hair and adjusting her cape and tiara. This world had no pre-existing laws except the laws of honor and love and beauty. This world did not judge you for putting dots with stripes or wearing mismatched socks. This world didn’t relate being pretty to being weak.

In fact, this world saw beauty as a reflection of strength and imagination as the most important tool to solve the world’s problems. The little girl didn’t want to play this game along so she invited relatives and friends into her kingdom. It was so much more fun! Things became more an more colorful and creative and she was perfectly unaware that the outfits were old fashioned and didn’t match…or that they were too fancy or too plain to suit the wearers.red 1 mystery 1 royal 1ruche 1

lockets 1tall hat

“Does the fairy tale make sense?”…the critics asks as they pull it apart and examine it under a microscope. “What does it all mean?” they ask her.

As she gets older she can no longer deflect the questions and no longer fall on her own creativity. She wants to stop playing dress up and start playing house or business or whatever it is people play. She forgets the notions that got her so far…she forgets the: honor, love, and beauty of dress up.

Fashion Friday: Floral Means Business

floral business floral outfit ruffled wedges floral flats

These pieces are a breath of fresh air for the nature enthusiast. They channel ideas from nature and just beg to be taken out for a posh garden walk.

Hopes

Today feels like one of those days where you just think about how life is.

I’m actually very hopeful considering things are all unorganized. 

One of my favorite things to do now is study math and languages….and also reading/writing.

I like the feeling of making progress in something without having to depend too much on other people.

I can do those things without worrying. I can get up in the morning and just write.

I don’t have to be elected to write a novel…I just have to set aside time.

I don’t have to be admitted into a class to study calculus 1 either.

It’s so liberating to know that people can’t stop you from being happy.

They can’t take away your hope.

 

 

I do need to go water the garden and get things done this morning.

I was slowed down making calls about my class schedule this year.

But I can’t keep myself in a rut just because making phone calls is so tiring to me.

I know I will have more exciting things to share later. I just feel it.butterfly

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