First I have got to say the above quote means so much to me right now. I see how important it is to be me even though I am terrified about people teasing me for being myself. I also think about how awkward it is to be yourself…it’s like going off on a ship and sailing into a black sea with no compass and no stars. I am not sure it’s safe to be myself–and that’s the truth. It’s such a foreign idea to me.
The above quote is also by Oscar Wilde, and Irish poet that, according to a poetry website…my style of poetry is similar to. I’m not sure if that is a complement or insult to my writing because Wilde’s poetry (that I’m aware of) is sort of morbid and scary….it’s dark and mournful.
Yesterday I saw so many people I know it got me a bit emotional. There is a lot of stuff going on but I’m ready to fight for my personality.
I suppose I sound silly unless you saw how much of who I am is gone and I need to get it back. I have been so stressed out and so challenged by life.
Anyways, let’s talk about those meetings.
Remember how I said I was inspired by a young woman I didn’t really know about until two days ago?
Well I met her yesterday.
I know this is so unusual…but I actually met her yesterday and she was so happy to meet me. It was so weird.
I honestly don’t know what to expect from life anymore. It’s so strange.
I did pray to God that I could meet her but I had no clue that it would only be a few hours before that actually happened. Sure a university is full of people, but I had never even seen her in all the months I’ve been at school…I’m sure of it.
How often can you say you met a person on Twitter and then a few hours later you meet them in real life? Not often.
Actually I had heard about her before. I’d heard my classmate say that so-and-so has a girlfriend. But it wasn’t until about three days ago that I was looking on Facebook and saw so-and-so’s profile and that he was in a relationship with this person. So I clicked on the profile and was stunned. This girl is a genius and the more I saw of her awesomeness/geekiness the more I felt jealousy mix with the strange thought of meeting her.
“But how?”, I thought.
I also thought about how much like me she was. If I hadn’t be afraid to be myself we’d be almost identical. It was strange seeing who I’d become reflected…distorted even, by this very successful and interesting person.
I had no clue she had a Twitter but decided to leave her a comment telling her how inspiring she was and followed her on Twitter. That story has already been told…but my goodness, I wasn’t expecting to meet her.
*Sighs* and this was right after seeing my former teacher and one of my dear friends. It just made the day so *emotional*.
Sometimes I wonder why God does that, making things so much more epic then need be. I mean it’s really hard for me to just be myself and get out of this trap…and as I take those first few wobbly steps everything starts falling into place.
I just wish I’d woken up from *dreamland* a bit sooner and kept following my dreams. Oh well, I’m back at it again now.
I finished reading Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. I’m still reading Insurgent by Veronica Roth and I started Flatland by Edwin A. Abbot this morning…I suppose I started earlier then that since i’d been musing over the first few lines for a few days. Reading a math story is so exciting to me.
I am going to attempt to update my Goodreads if the website is working. I get this feeling that I’m just supposed to slow down. I guess I should since I feel like I’m running as I type this.
Have a great day and don’t be surprised, the unexpected could be right around the corner.